Leslie: We brought a sorry for your loss fruit basket for Bobby. And
it is very classy -- no melons and no apples.

Leslie: My official statement is that is, overall, a bummer.

Andy: If you are watching, perpetrator, just know that you are still at large.

Tom: He's just playing hard ball. Let me tell you how it's going to go
down. In a few minutes, we'll walk in there, we'll give him our
demands, and then BAM -- I start crying.

Chris: If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I
will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

Ben: In the last few weeks, we've turned this campaign into a
well-oiled machine. Leslie's stump speech is 10 minutes, 40 seconds,
every time. Here, check this out. There will be a big laugh right ...
now. And now a two-second awkward silence as Leslie does her Rodney
Dangerfield impression.

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

Donor: So you do a lot of investing?
Andy: We dabble. I recently invested in some shirts at a garage sale. Left those at a Wendy's, on the way home, so... the economy.

Bobby: By the year 2013, we will have a fully functioning mall on Jupiter.

Leslie: I was in favor of closing the Borders bookstore, not the border to Mexico.