Jen: After a rough start, your girl's doing ok.
Ben: I think she's doing a little better than ok, or did you miss the applause she got on the raccoon safety question?

Fester Trim: I want to tell you about my idea for assault rifle vending machines.

Tom: What do you know? You don't care about things.
April: Yes I do. I care about Andy and Champion ... and I want Leslie to win. And I like sleeping.

Leslie: Did he do all this just for you?
Ann: No, he just lives like this. He's deeply in debt, but who cares.

Jennifer: I'm not saying she's a dog murder per se. I just think her actions raise some questions, like 'is Leslie Knope a dog murder?'

Gilles: All due respect Miss Ludgate, do you even know what you're doing here?

Jennifer: I swear the air in this town is killing my brain cells.
Leslie: The water isn't good for you either, you shouldn't drink the tap water.

Ron: I have so many ideas. Some are simple like take down traffic lights and eliminate the post office. The bigger ones will be tougher, like 'bring all this crumbling to the ground.'

Chris: You and I will embark in a quick session of heart-rate meditation, focusing on conscious breathing and opening the heart shakra.
Ron: I'm not sure I'm interested in that. No, I am sure, I'm not interested in that.

Donna: I made up all of the personal bios. A lot of these dogs have rescued people from burning buildings. This one helped Ray Charles around.
Andy: What? This cat was in Boogie Nights?

Donna shakes head.