Leslie: I've gotten to know the city councilmen pretty well because of my campaign.

Leslie: What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me. 

April: [reading Andy's "Thank You" note for her grandfather] "Dear April's grandmother." I said grandfather.
Andy: Oh, oops. OK.
April: "You are a beautiful and amazing woman." Man. "I hope someday I can become half the woman you are." He's a man. "Thank you for the $500." It was five dollars. "Enjoy the Mouse Rat CD." He is deaf.
Andy: OK, do you want me to make those changes or is it good?

Lawrence: Hey park lady! You suck.
Leslie: Hear that? He called me park lady.

Ann: What is your ideal man?
Leslie: He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden.

Ron: What are you doing here?
Leslie: Running away from my problems.
Ron: Come on in.

Ron: Got a call from some panicky morning joggers. Apparently sanitation didn't empty this dumpster, to the raccoons delight.
April: I thought raccoons were supposed to be nocturnal.
Ron: Not in this town, sweetheart. In this town, they're 24/7. We can't have raccoons for the Christmas thing. They'll hunt the kids for sport.

Ben: Are you hitting on Leslie for me?

April: This is my boyfriend, Derek, and this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben.
Ben: Hey.
Leslie: Hey...oh...wait, sorry. What's the situation?
April: What do you mean?
Leslie: How does this work?
April: Derek is gay but he's straight for me, but he's gay for Ben, and Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben.
Derek: It's not that complicated.

Jerry: For my murinal, I was inspired by the death of my grandma--
Tom: You said "murinal!"
[Everyone laughs]
Jerry: No, I didn't.
Ann: Yes, you did. You said "murinal." I heard it.
Jerry: Anyway, she--
April: Jerry, why don't you put that murinal in the men's room so people can murinate all over it?
Tom: Jerry, go to the doctor. You might have a murinary tract infection.[Jerry takes down his mural and walks away defeated]
Jerry: ...Just wanted to show you my art...
Everyone: Murinal! Murinal! Murinal!
Leslie: Disqualified![cut to Jerry being interviewed]
Jerry: It's Pointillism. And each dot is a photo of the citizen of the town--
Tom: [from other room] No one cares! At all!