Ron: So basically we're completely swamped. All hands on deck.
Ann: I don't even work in this building.
Ron: Don't care. I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to pitch in.
Jerry: [walking in] Ron, do you need help with anything?
Ron: No, we're good, thanks. In fact, you can head home early.

Ron: I am only here because I owe Leslie a thousand favors. I'm not big on charities. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.

Chris: Fresh lettuce is my all-time favorite food. What's your favorite food?
Andy: Oh, I take Skittles and I put it between two Starbursts. Know what I call it?
Chris: Skittle Sandwich?
Andy: ...That's pretty good. No, I call it Andy's Mouth Surprise. It's nice because the flavor of the Starbursts really bring out a similar flavor in the Skittles.

Andy: I typed in your symptoms here and it says you might have network connectivity problems.

Donna: Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties, or time-traveling romances. And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinny Legs Magee, I’ll tell you that much.

Ron: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish: for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

Chris: Hey gang!
Leslie: Hey, what did you bring?
Chris: I was in charge of the cake. To be fair, it's not a cake so much as it is a vegetable loaf. You got your mushrooms, your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach and I had it sweetened with fruit reduction.
Ron: But did they ask you to bring a vegtable loaf or a cake?
Chris: No, a cake, but this is so much healthier.
Ron: So not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake!
Leslie: Take a walk, Ron.
Ron: Yup.

[Leslie, Tom, Jerry and Carl board a golf cart]
Tom: This thing is a mess.
Carl: WE USED TO HAVE THREE CARS ACTUALLY. THE FIRST ONE GOT PUSHED INTO THE CREEK BY SOME KIDS. THE SECOND ONE RACCOONS GOT ONTO. THERE WAS URINE EVERYWHERE. AND THE THIRD ONE WAS RECENTLY STOLEN.
Tom: What’s this one?
Carl: THIS IS THE SECOND ONE. THE RACCOON PEE ONE.

Andy: Let me explain something to you, Tweep. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Andy. Act."
Tom: So you weren't thinking.
Andy: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.

Jerry: There is a great dinosaur-themed restaurant in Patterson. It is called Jurassic Fork. I have gone there three times a week for the last 15 years.