Jerry: Hey, Mark, um, a little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket.
Mark: That's funny, because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.

Leslie: Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?

Andy: The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so. 

Leslie: OK, how about Japan? 

Leslie: I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?

Ron: We need to get Leslie something that erases the enormous emotional debt that has built up over years of this gift-giving imbalance.

Tom: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, this is a whole never level of nerd.

Leslie: I know for a fact the Parks Department doesn't read letters.

Jerry: I think that comic sans always screams fun, right?